Exercise

It's become even harder to exercise, now that there are so many other things clamoring for attention. But I've been realizing that if I'm to get all the other stuff done, I really really need to make sure that I take care of myself. That's a hard concept for many of the women in my family for some reason. But my sister-in-law has it down, it seems. She takes time during babysitting hours (when I would be getting to work) to exercise at the gym. And when I was visiting, I saw her leave her stressed husband with two energetic kids so she could exercise. It impressed me so much that I decided I could certainly take time off work to exercise now and then.

It has also started a slew of thoughts on taking care of oneself. Here are some of them ---

In a book I read on losing weight for women (something about fat cells bla bla but very good and I wish I could remember the name), she says to throw away your scale. I've been thinking about that... the scale and measurements and all that are only indications of how you're really doing. How you're really doing is measured by how you feel. If you're feeling sloppy and fat, then step on the scale and it shows you've lost weight, or think about your pants size and think, "that's not so bad," then you might degenerate into eating junk all day. Okay, you might not, but I might. Seems to run in my family.

Often, eating cake all day is really a substitute for what I really want, but what I really want is more difficult to get than cake. Cake is easy. A really good homemade enchilada, on the other hand, takes an hour. Same thing with exercise. I often really want to exercise, but sitting around is easier. Weird, eh? Why aren't I important enough to get the things I really want? Why would I put myself last? Is that weird? Why would I think that for some reason I can't have the things I want most? I'm even afraid to admit to myself that I love salad and good food in general. Sweets are pretty much boring -- not much taste, though the texture is often quite pleasing.

I am not the least important thing in my world. I am certainly worth yummy food and time by myself to exercise. Providing, of course, that I can get time to myself to exercise. There are times when it's not practical - you need someone to watch your toddler for that to happen, unless you have an exercise video or bike or something you like to do at home during naptime. I'm lucky that my husband makes enough money to send TM to daycare, where she gets to play with other kids and have a grand ol' time and I get to work on my PhD. And exercise.

After all, if I don't take care of myself, what will I end up as? A real burden to everyone else, that's what! Many people in my family are getting old, and having lots of health problems often due to not putting themselves first. I'd like to learn how to give myself what I really want and stop relying on what other people think to dictate what is or is not good for me.

If the reason I step on the scale is to reach some abstract weight dictated by someone else to be the 'ideal', then I'm not focusing on me, I'm thinking that for some reason I have to bend myself to their world. Ick. If I think about my pant size in order to compare myself with other people, or with what society thinks is good, I'm once again putting myself second. Ridiculous! The only person who really matters in that sort of thing is me. I need to pay attention to what my body wants, and really listen to it. It's not going to tell someone else what it wants, right? What a silly idea!

It might be like a partnership -- I need to keep my body happy so we can work well together, it and me. If I don't give it what it needs, it certainly won't perform as well as it needs to. It tells me what it needs, but often I decide that what's easy is fine, and what it really wants is too hard. We can all see where that leads.

Okay, another slight topic -- my face is breaking out. I think it's the cataphyll that I started using again two days ago. Poor rosaceae-ed and sensitive facial skin. Sigh. Back to tea tree oil and either olive or jojoba oil or whatever else I find to carry it.

TM, by the way, had a bad night last night. I wonder what watching Finding Nemo so often will do to her in the long run. Sigh. But survival is more important nowadays than adhering to an ideal that is very impractical for a tired, irritated, end-of-the-rope day. Hate to say it, but there it is.

Signing off
Rhamnites